sometimes I think, why I created this, I dont know if I’m proud of myself .. I also dont understand why my nature as I do .. I also dont understand why the world is really not fair to me .. I always cry alone .. I dont really feel true happiness .. even though I was happy but there is still something that is always damaging happiness … I’ve never found someone who understands how I feel, even though it was my own mother .. I feel different in this family .. since childhood I felt my mother didnt really give me love.. as well as others .. I felt my mother’s love with both my brother and two sisters .. many things that cause me to think so .. maybe this is causing me so insecure … I never felt unloved .. I always felt never noticed .. so now I’m not used to people watching me ..

many people think that I’m strong … I can pass my own problems .. but for me not .. I want to like someone who can be loved and cared for .. I always throwing a tantrum so that people can be watching .. but perhaps this is one way that people think of me bad … ahhh never mind … I can be thankful still have an intact family .. I dont want to expect something that I might not get .. I just want to feel happy, although I’ll live alone … I dont know how many times I cried alone and hide .. I also dont know if God is still listening to my heart .. I also dont know why there are still people who think I’m evil … if I became a man, I’m not going to cry .. I can do whatever I like .. but it was impossible …